• During the lesson, keep the focus on the author’s voice and how it is achieved. As students are working on the professional passages, move among the groups so that you can help when necessary and observe how groups are working together, as well as note any individual strengths and weaknesses.
• As students are looking at the revised student drafts, walk among them to see how they are progressing and whether they are able to identify some of the characteristics of professional writing in the student drafts.

Focus Question: How can we use tone and voice to improve our writing?

Students will, in their writing groups, read three examples of descriptive writing and analyze them for tone and voice. They will then discuss their observations with the rest of the class. In their groups, they will share the newest version of their description of a startling moment and identify the characteristics of an effective description. Then they will revise their own descriptions for a final grade.

Analyze Passages for Tone and Voice

To introduce this activity, tell students, “First of all, I’m going to give you three passages to read together in your writing groups. I want you to concentrate on the tone of each passage and on its voice. In other words, what makes each particular passage distinctive? Try to identify particular things that each writer does that set him or her apart from other writers. Also, pick out one specific sentence, or perhaps a pair of sentences, that you think you would recognize as belonging to this writer if you encountered him or her elsewhere. One passage is by Willa Cather, one by Truman Capote, and one by Harper Lee. You can make notes on the passages as you discuss them. You will have about 20 minutes to work, and then you’ll share your observations with the rest of the class.”

As groups are working, move among them so that you can help when necessary and observe how the groups are working together, as well as note any individual strengths and weaknesses.

When the time is up, have one group present its comments on Cather’s passage; then open the discussion for additions, disagreements, etc. If students need more practice with details that reveal voice, offer an example and then give them a minute or two to come up with examples of their own.

The tone might be one of awe or amazement. Comments on voice might include the choice of subject as the power of nature, details revealing a close observation of the countryside, imagination used in the comparison of the grass to the water of the sea, a wealth of sensory details, and a variety of sentence structures, lengths, and openings. There are strong verbs and participles: crossed, curved, climb, skirted; and precise word choice: gentle swell of unbroken prairie, the color of wine-stains, and the whole country seemed, somehow, to be running.

Have a second group lead the discussion of the Capote passage. Tone might be enthusiastic, excited, joyful, filled with wonder. Comments on voice might include appreciation of physical detail, investing nature with personality and purpose: renegade hog, chastising thorns, the path unwinds, a disturbed armada of speckled trout; and the use of figurative language: round as an orange and orange as hot-weather moons, frogs the size of plates; as well as phrasing things in a unique way: pneumonia-making coldness, an ecstasy of shrillings. There are strong verbs: lusters, burnishes, froths, trembles; and a wide variety of sentence lengths, from one word to many, and an equally wide variety of patterns within the sentences.

A third group will conduct the discussion of the passage by Harper Lee. Tone might be affectionate, reminiscent, fond, amused, slow-moving, or leisurely. Comments on voice details might include re-creation of a past she remembers with affection, rich in sensory details or rich in amusement because of the manner in which Lee expresses herself: ladies “like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum,” “a time of vague optimism for some people” because “Maycomb County had recently been told that it had nothing to fear but fear itself,” and “Jem and I found our father satisfactory.” The use of a variety of sentence lengths that all tend to create a slow-paced, leisurely rhythm.

Have students keep a list of interesting verbs they encounter, verbs they don’t usually think to include in their writing. When you have time for a brief one- or two-sentence exercise, have students get out the list and conjure up a sentence of their own that uses a couple of these verbs. Eventually they will begin to seep into other writing, too. Also, if composition is taught in tandem with literature, have students keep their eyes open for writing they like. Take a few minutes to stop and look closely at a passage someone has pointed out in the reading or brought in to share.

“In a moment you will return to your writing groups and read one another’s descriptive papers once more. This time, do just what you’ve done with these passages by professional writers. Pay close attention to what your classmates have done in their writing that makes it distinctively their own.” Students will most likely not have as much to work to do as with the student drafts, but they should go through the process, and they should be able to identify a number of elements. Have them do this aloud together and record their comments before returning the papers and accompanying comments to the owner. Say, “Once you have done this, I’d like your group to identify the characteristics of good writing that you think should be used to evaluate descriptive writing.”

Walk among the groups to see how they are progressing and to determine whether they are able to identify some of the characteristics of professional writing in the student drafts.

Once students have completed their readings and come up with a list of characteristics, call the class back together and share the lists, illustrating them with examples from student papers. Be certain in the discussion that students realize that tone is the key element for this piece of writing.

Tell students, “Next, you will prepare a final copy of your revision. Remember I told you at the beginning of the unit that the majority of your grade would be based on your portfolio and participation, but that you would also submit a ‘final product’ for a separate grade. You have been revising one piece with regularity and you will turn it in for a final grade.” Be certain that students have a copy of the rubric that will be used to evaluate their final draft. For example, you can use the PSSA Writing Scoring Guidelines (L-C-3-3_PSSA Writing Scoring Guidelines.pdf), also available at http://www.portal.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/pennsylvania_system_of_school_assessment_(pssa)/8757/resource_materials/507610; refer to the sample rubric (L-C-3-3_Sample Rubric.doc); or compose your own rubric.

If time allows, put students back in groups and have them read four sample descriptions (taken from other classes—without names attached—or that you have created) that represent four levels of achievement. Have them discuss the papers and tell which they would assign a top score and why. Be certain that they list specific characteristics that make the papers effective.

Extension:

• Most students are probably able to identify at least some characteristics of effective descriptive writing. For those who might need additional practice translating these characteristics into their own writing, use some of the exercises mentioned earlier.
• Have students tell you in a sentence what they want to write about and what they want the tone to be. For example: a moment of misery while waiting for the dentist to begin her work. Ask students questions, and have them quickly write down responses. For example, ask, “What did you ‘see’?” Student answer: “A drill.” “How did the drill look? How did it sound? Does its sound remind you of anything else you’ve ever heard? How did you imagine it was going to feel? What else did you see/hear/touch/taste/smell?”